Why is it so tiring to be positive all the time?
What’s the difference between practicing gratitude and being toxically positive?
To Aisha Kaur, a Singaporean expat who has been in Kuwait for close to 27 years, the notion of always “wanting to stay positive” at once appeared to be the only mechanism to cope with the challenges of life. She candidly expressed that the tendency to stretch so much in trying to create and uphold a positive mindset was too draining.
“I would avoid all forms of negative emotion and try to make myself believe that ‘everything is fine’, when it had been the exact opposite situation,” Kaur reflected.
Nowhere was she more unaware of her toxic positivity until she began her journey with Magda Snowden, a mental agility expert residing in the United Arab Emirates for 6 years.
“Positive toxicity treats and removes all negative emotions from a person and makes him or her stay positive all the time, which also tends to cause cognitive and depressive wars on the inside of people,” explained a British mental health first aider and leadership and team transformation coach on toxic positivity.
Ironically, people get into a negative loop when they restrict themselves from negative feelings and enforce positivity too much. The reality, however, is that when the ‘elephant in the room’ is ignored, aesthetic negativity lies dormant or grows until it is impossible to face, work with and move on from.
“Not working through negative feelings and adopting toxic positivity has positives. If one doesn't feel positive, there is some deficiency and a soul voice comes out. This can lead to undesired emotions such as guilt over normal emotions like sadness and anger,” Snowden shared.
Actually, gratitude fosters resilience to psychological distress, emotional arousal, and promotes well – being for long term. It also involves more psychological kinder approaches to mindfulness, emotional awareness, and self – compassion, which are crucial for the brains and the health of the entire psyche,” she explained.
Moving on, Kaur, who worked with Snowden, found out what mindful gratitude is – a practice that has benefited her greatly both psychologically and emotionally.
A fine balance
Snowden talked about the unnecessary emphasis placed on either side of that balance derivative of both gratitude and growth.
"Many people believe that gratitude is somehow a bad emotional state. It makes you incapable of seeing the problems and causes for courage: ‘Why do I need to work hard? I am grateful for what I have’. However, studies show that having gratitude does not mean taking a back position. It lays the ground for positivity, which allows people to take action because of thankfulness rather than inspired by gaping voids."
As to the workplace, which cuts across various sectors in the case of Snowden, “When leaders promote the idea of appreciation in the organization, then it will invite psychological safety and the right climate in which appreciation is made. Some kill joy posits that gratitude must not be used to cover or sweep grief under the rug, instead, it can help remorseful teams sail through those emotions.”
Mindful Gratitude Cheat Sheet
Snowden talked about the unnecessary emphasis placed on either side of that balance derivative of both gratitude and growth.
"Many people believe that gratitude is somehow a bad emotional state. It makes you incapable of seeing the problems and causes for courage.
Why do I need to work hard?
I am grateful for what I have’. However, studies show that having gratitude does not mean taking a back position. It lays the ground for positivity, which allows people to take action because of thankfulness rather than inspired by gaping voids."
As to the workplace, which cuts across various sectors in the case of Snowden, “When leaders promote the idea of appreciation in the organization, then it will invite psychological safety and the right climate in which appreciation is made. Some killjoy posits that gratitude must not be used to cover or sweep grief under the rug, instead, it can help remorseful teams sail through those emotions.”
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